He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
