everyone is single if you try hard enough
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
