guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
only you would photoshop your dick
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
