do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have fence marks all over my body
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
