Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
