Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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