Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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