Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
