I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
