My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
