I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
