You can't motorboat a personality
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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