He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
