I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
