maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
