Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I will pee on everything he values.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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