Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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