May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
