That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
