I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
