i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
