If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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