I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
