apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
