apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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