Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
