What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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