i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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