A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
