So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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