Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
