You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
