i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
