We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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