She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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