Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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