she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
