Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
