belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
