only if we run a train.
done.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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