You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
