I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am one with the molecules
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
