I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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