I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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