I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His hands were made for my vagina.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
