trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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