so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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