yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
