I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
