I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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