so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
