They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
