I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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