this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
