i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
