I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
